I have my outline half done for tomorrow's class. Waking up tomorrow early to finish it right before class. I WILL DO THIS. Then after class I have to go to the library, yet again, to finish the victorian lit essay. I have the bare bones of a rough draft, nothing very workable though. Just a few ideas fleshed out a bit.

I will be so happy when this is over and I can relax.

ONLY TWO MORE DAYS TIL ENGLAND!!!!!
It's almost surreal taht I get to see rich again. For those that have their loved ones near, dont take them for granted. You never realise how lucky you are to have loved ones near, until you have one that isn't.

got an 80 on my canadian lit midterm.
Have to finish Villette tonight. only at pg 185 out of 450. Need to have it done becasue I need to write the essay tomorrow. I have a second essay to write over the wekeend too that I need a rough draft for, but this essay I need FINISHED by the end of the weekend

balls.

I got that midterm back, regraded.
I GOT A 94% !!!!! A+
MY FIRST ONE IN UNI! I'm SOOOOO happy.

I'm just stoked. I hope I get my other exams back, I have a good feeling about them too.
Now that my knee is healing from my bike injury, it's time to hit the gym methinks. My muscles are cramping up, I'm lethargic and fatigued, and I get tired after just riding my bike to or from work.

PS I got an 89% on my Women in Antiquity class!!

the music is a little cheesy, but the spoken word itself is really uplifting and just what I need to hear. It made me feel a little better about myself, a little more confident, and a little more proud to be a woman.



I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I am a woman. Not a girl, not a teenager, not a young woman... but a certifiable, confident, powerful, intelligent WOMAN. It's not a bad thing, it doesn't mean I am old. It doesn't mean I cant be youthful, funny, flirty. In fact, it means this more than ever. I am sexy, I am smart, I am seductive not only in appearance but in the wisdom I've gained in the years, the wisdom I will continue to learn as I progress. I am proud to be a woman. I am proud to be fertile, to hol the power of life and all its mysteries within my body. My thighs touch. My belly isn't so tight and flat as it once was. My body is changing, my body wants children and changes my hormones to tell me this. My bum wiggles a little when I walk, and my breasts bounce when I dance. This is not fat. This is femininity, and I am learning not to hate it as I once did.

This video made me reflect, and makes me rejoice in the path of recovery I started on, and makes me continue to fight against the demons of my mind that want to hold me back, keep me stagnant and feigning adolescence for life.

So I gained 5 lbs in Italy. I am now 125. I was very happy with myeslf at 120. WEll, satisfied and content not to focus on losing weight. I didn't excercise for two months, and ate pasta and pizza and drank all summer. I gained for obvious reasons.

I am now home, and have been for two weeks, and now I need to focus on getting healthy and being at a comfortable size. I am also up for a job as a ring-girl for a pro-boxing match. I got the booty, that's fine. But I could stand to lose an inch on the thighs and one to two off the tummy. I am very out of shape. I am biking every day, and cutting back on carbs. I came home and did stretches after my ride home, and then did 50 situps. Not much, but I've been hella out of shape all summer from lack of excercise, so it's a start.

I'm trying to do this in a healthy way. ... but I think I'm going to start taking my ephedrine pills again now that I'm home. Just give my metabolism a kick start for workouts and stuff.

Rich is great. He bought me a promise ring, its titanium with three little diamonds in it. He intends to marry me one day. He lvoes me more than anything, i am so lucky to have him.

Today I ate:
a 6 inch ham sub from Subway with cucumber, lettuce, tomato, honey mustard and light mayo.
a can of tuna with 1 tbsp light mayo
6 tortilla chips dipped in salsa
1 tbsp light cream cheese (ona spoon lol)
1 Big Turk Chocolate bar

Talked to jeff tongiht briefly. He told me he is seeing someone.
Broke my heart for the last time.

I'm lockign it up.
I'm over it.
I'm not dating anymore. I'm not fucking anymore.
I'm not looking anymore. I'm becoming a recluse.

I just cant take the pain anymore. Really, i just cant fuckign take it.

I'm just so sick of it.
I'm fuckgin cursed.

One month til germany, italy trip. One month. I can make it.
just get me out of here please.

I was supposed to have a brunch date earlier today.

I got stood up.

No text, no call. No reply to my two texts, no answer when I called his phone.
I really dont get it, cause we totally hit it off. He was super cute too.
He was only 20, my friend Rob told me that maybe he got scared.

So tired of guys ruinning away scared.

saw jeff again last night after work.
We nibbled on Smart Food, and watch Idiocracy. Then some Flight of the Conchords.
He told me multiple times last night that I am beautiful. I am so happy. It has been so long since someone felt this way about me, and I them

You look at me with an intensity that can barely be described. Your piercing eyes penetrate my thoughts; words seem glib, descriptions fail. Reminiscent of past lovers and broken hearts. I've felt this intensity before – destined to end. I want to cry before it's begun. I fear the disappointment. The stare – the longing stare of a stranger – will always be more fulfilling than the passionate kiss of a lover. The look holds promise, the promise of love everlasting, and hope never ending, and a soul that will never be wounded again. Promises made to be broken – vows spoken in earnest yet revoked in desperation. I attract the desperate soul. The frail, the wounded, and the heartbroken are all attracted to me. There is a light within me that seems to heal, that seems to ease the transition from wounded lover into attainable mate. I ease this transition, yet do not benefit. The passion I inspire, the passion I perceive in the stranger's eyes, is fleeting and not mine to treasure. I see the intensity of your gaze, and it is like the flickering of dead stars. It is beautiful, and intoxicating in its mystery. It shines, not from reflection of my own solar warmth, but from that of a system that passed long ago. Dead stars still burn.

Is it immature of me to ridicule 13 year olds on the internet?
This dumb twat posts something like "Wah wah my mom took away my laptop the WHORE" in a comm. I called her on it, saying "if my daughter called me a whore on the internet, I'd take it away too." She writes back someting about why am I judging her sicne I have no idea about the situation, or what her "mental maturity level" is. Dude - you're THIRTEEN. I dont care if you are YEARS beyond your peers - you're still half my age and calling your mom a whore as an INTRODUCTION to a community. No backstory, jsut my mom is a whore, I have an ED, here are my stats. Really? Mature? reeeeaaalllyy??

LAWL

I love dumb twats. Seriously, they amuse the fuck out of me.

facebook = hates it
boys = hates it
kitties = loves it

that is all

For the bazillionth time on LJ, I have had to put up with this mistake.
It's only one letter differencew, but PLEASE learn it. Unless your belly-button has an eye-patch and a parrot, I'm pretty sure it is a NAVEL not a NAVAL.



na⋅val
   /ˈneɪvəl/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [ney-vuhl] Show IPA
–adjective
1. of or pertaining to warships: a naval battle; naval strength.
2. of or pertaining to ships of all kinds: naval architecture; naval engineer.
3. belonging to, pertaining to, or connected with a navy: naval affairs.
4. possessing a navy: the great naval powers.

na·vel (nā'vəl) Pronunciation Key
n.

1. The mark on the surface of the abdomen of mammals where the umbilical cord was attached during gestation. Also called umbilicus.
2. A central point; a middle.

yup.
mac and cheese made.
mac and cheese eaten (almost in full, I'm still working at it).
no wonder I'm doughy, but it's sooooo good.
I fail.

I am honestly surprised I got it finished and handed in on time! Boyyah gramma!

Had a raisin bagel with cream cheese and a medium double double with milk yesterday, and a bowl of just right when I got home from work.
400 for bagel/cheese, lets say 30 for the coffee, and 200 for teh cereal. So like 650, not bad I guess.

In your eyes, would that I could be
Beautiful, and ease of grace might bless
Me with gracious kisses, a whisper
Of hope to qualm my childish fears.
Palm to chin, as cheek to cheek,
Embracing in arms onced longed for,
Now delivered unto me, as
Mercy's guiding hand brings peace.
Oh woe that I feel when I think of you,
Oh heartache that follows when feelings pursue!
As a flower wilts without the sun,
Its petals shed and hue to pale fades,
The joy of my youth, the youth of my joy,
Are wasted in idle prayers of love.


***


I guess feeling lovelorn and reading Milton inspires me somewhat. The flower bit is cheesy, now that I read it over, but Im okay with the rest of it.

just picked up my paycheck and went shopping.
Bought a pair of grey and black striped pants and a wool vest, total 20$ cause of sales. Not too bad! The pants are a size 6. So I'm not as huge as I thought I was - I thought I was about a size 8. I will get back into my 4's, but I thought it best to buy some pants for my size, since my fat pants are too loose and my 4's are just a bit tight (they fit okay, but some of them give me muffin top).

Was asked for coffee witha boy tonight. Its freezing, and I should go because it would be nice. But I don't know that I want to brave the -20 degree weather!

laxitives = pissing out yer bunghole = yech.

that is all.

fuck it.
I ate them.
I'm such a worthless cow anyways, who the fuck cares.
I feel like I'm gonna vomit now though.
hung over...